I was born to a LDS family (and by born into, I mean my mother was baptized a year prior to my birth, so I didn’t have some massive church-based heritage) in a staunchly conservative nation that is primarily Catholic/Christian. So, that means I have to live the rest of my life unable to love and be loved in return (in the romantic, passionate sense) — something that everyone yearns for and wants in their life. I do all this to keep up the illusion, just to keep my friends, just to keep some sort of protective barrier around me. How does it feel to live a thousand heartbreaks in a semester? I am told that I should raise a family in righteousness — can’t I do that with a loving partner who would raise children in an environment that would make them great people? then where is that happiness that constantly eludes me? The only counselors in the area are Mormon, so they all tell me to stay in the church and just do church things. This is why I stand at the edge not knowing what to do. I am on the brink of abandoning everything I thought I knew to be true. I have to hide a fundamental piece of me and try to play this pretend game of being straight – going on dates with lovely young women who would make great friends, but I don’t want to be their lover. I am told that mortality is going to be but a blink of an eye, but I would rather die now then spend another half a century of loneliness and quiet desperation.
Homosexual behavior includes not only sexual relations between members of the same sex, but all forms of physical intimacy that give expression to homosexual feelings.”At BYU, members of Understanding Same-Gender Attraction, an unofficial group of BYU students and faculty who aim to create discussion on same-gender attraction and LGBT issues, are commonly asked why they remain, or initially chose to be, students. It was a similar experience for Dillon Harker, a senior, who fully comprehended he was gay while as a student in 2012.“I feel like my heavenly parents wanted me to go to BYU,” he said.“For the most part, it’s improving.”BYU’s honor code, which students agree to live by as part of their admission and attendance requirements, prohibits homosexual behavior.“One’s stated same-gender attraction is not an Honor Code issue,” the policy reads.“However, the Honor Code requires all members of the university community to manifest a strict commitment to the law of chastity.But Church leaders have also emphasized that simply being attracted to someone of the same sex is not a sin, and that God loves all of his children.Those wishing to maintain full membership in the Church could commit to a life of celibacy, and many LGBT Mormons who choose to pursue same-sex relationships still attend church, some even with their partners.