” “Smiley, how am I supposed to meet someone when everyone attractive and dateable is already taken? It might help you stop worrying about what other people think of your sixth Tinder photo (or stress about whether you should even have a sixth Tinder photo — “who the hell has six Tinder photos?!
” “Smiley, I can’t go to another wedding without a 1, it’s embarrassing! ”) and start thinking about how you want to spend your days.
Let me preface this piece by saying that I’m 31, I’m single, I haven’t been in love in years, and I haven’t gone on a real date in months. It seems that every other conversation I have is with people my age freaking out about single. I’m not telling you to abandon your life-long goal of being an amazing parent.
“Smiley, what am I gonna do, get on Tinder, is that all I have left? I’m just saying that dating yourself for a little while might help you discover who you are and what you want.
When you are absorbed in an activity you are passionate about, you often lose your sense of self, time and space and get totally lost in the moment.
A bubble bath isn't just a place to go to relax.
Rather than stress about how hard it was to meet the perfect woman at the age of 30, I decided to forget about dating all together. When you start dating yourself, your mindset shifts. Stay up late and watch episodes of your favorite show on Netflix.
Rather than define your own self-worth based on whether someone else swipes right at your photo or whether someone else wants to go home with you, you determine your own self-worth based on how you’re spending your time.
A couple of months after I got divorced, I remember waking up one morning and realizing that I didn’t know who I was at that moment.
I knew I wasn’t the person I was before I got married and I definitely wasn’t the person I was while I was married, so who the heck was I right then? I didn’t freak out at this realization, it was more of a ‘hmm…that’s interesting’ moment. I threw myself into hobbies and classes and new fitness routines.